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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Space (01/23/06)
Walter Bacon walked through the huge glass front door entrance to the New Heaven Design Group office building and walked up to the receptionist desk. " Good morning Joan" Walter said as he looked at the receptionist's badge " I'm sorry I don't have an appointment but could I please see the creator".

Joan looked at her watch " he's going to a meeting but if you hurry you might be able to catch him". Joan pointed at the nearest elevator " Suite 303 third floor".

" Thank You" Walter said as he picked up the heavy black briefcase and got onto the elevator and pushed 3 for the third floor. ' I hope he takes my offer' Walter thought as he got off the elevator and walked down the hallway toward Suite 303. Walter walked into the Suite and he walked up to the receptionist's desk.

" Hi" Walter said to the young lady sitting there " I was told I could possibly see the creator".

" You just caught him" she said as she looked down the hallway " here he comes now".

Walking down the hallway toward Walter was a gray bearded older gentleman with a big smile " can I help you?".

" Yes" Walter replied as he picked up the heavy black briefcase " I would like just a few minutes of your time".

" I only have five minutes" the creator replied as he looked at his watch " come into my office".Walter and the creator walked into a sparse office and the creator stood by the office window. " What can I do for you Walter?" asked the creator as he looked at all the busy people down below.

Walter explained " I've always had plenty of money and always got what I wanted and now I want one more thing".

" And what is that?" asked the creator.

Walter opened the black briefcase to show the creator it was full of money " in this briefcase is a million dollars". Walter continued " I want to buy a star".

" Sorry Walter, they are not for sale" the creator replied as he smiled at Walter " why do you want one any way".

" I have everything I've always wanted and now I want my very own star" Walter said.

" Walter" the creator said as he hugged Walter " I created everything, the moon, the stars and you". The creator continued " everything I created has a specific purpose here, I'm sorry the star is not for sale". " Sorry, I've got to go" the creator said as he walked Walter to the front door of the office " Peace be with you".

Walter walked out the door of Suite 303 with his heavy black briefcase and contemplated his life.
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This article has been read 1120 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Marilyn Schnepp 
02/02/06
COMMENT: Intriguing and creative story. CRITIQUE: A few comma's missing, Creator should be capitalized (in my opinion), and the ending left this Reader hanging. As for the subject "space"...I assume the purchase of a "star" means space.

All in all I was intrigued, fascinated and anticipating a sensational ending; Instead I was disappointed - I wanted a WOW! A real Punch! BUt I liked your idea very much!