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Topic: FUSSY (11/17/16)
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TITLE: ELUSIVE LIFE OF DOUBT AND UNBELIEF | Previous Challenge Entry
By Robert Rutaagi
11/24/16 -
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For fifty three years I fussed about religion, Christianity and the whole concept of salvation. Intellectual pride had led us to believe that religion was a western opium and a mere religious propaganda to justify theologians’ employment and status to dupe unsuspecting believers. But strong religious education and, especially, by church-based schools and the ever persistent sermons and Christian literature, the idea of God and salvation remained somewhat appealing to my sceptical mind. Over time, prayed that if God, Jesus and Angel Gabriel, really existed, should appear to me physically or in sleep and give salvation.
I asked God to convert me in the same way he converted Saul on his way to Damascus but God did not throw me down, make me totally blind, speak to me audibly from heaven and neither did He send me to a prominent pious man to restore my sight and issue me with a certificate of salvation as proof in case my testimony was to be challenged.
In the final prayer, I associated my fate with that of two of my best friends- Charles and Jotham whom I believed we had a lot in common - a healthy life, socially, politically and, professionally. I wrongly reasoned that even our death would be quite close, courtesy of HIV/AIDS which had become a pandemic.
Because of my religious family background, the concept of God, as a whole and, salvation in particular, somehow, sounded appealing. The problem was lack of sufficient scientific evidence. I went back to the Bible and read it from Genesis to revelation over a period. I did not find evidence of God’s existence beyond the incredible Hebrew story from Adam and Eve through Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses to John and Jesus. I thought that, probably, these were mere myths and legends from the Jews who were still struggling with exile hangover and wars with Babylonians, Philistines, Syrians etc. I read the Bible a second time and a third time partially before abandoning the whole idea. No God, no salvation beyond those Hebrew legendary myths. I thought we, too, had lots of interesting legends and mythologies in our cultures.
I attended many Churches of different denominations. I found no evidence of God’s existence or relevance of salvation for my life. I attended many crusades in many places. Thinking that, perhaps, Moslems who piously prayed five times a day and fasted for many days must be closer to God, I bought the translated version of the Holy Quran and read it from cover to cover, including the foot notes, but found no evidence of God. That caused me more frustrations.
I studied ‘horoscopology’ in order to discover God or other spiritual powers. I even consulted Yahya Hussein, a famous astrologer who lived at that time, for palm reading, interpretation and other divinations but in vain. I, together, with two friends, Enoch (RIP) and Engineer David had earlier interviewed Yahya Hussein on a national television programme. After interviewing him, he conducted a palm-reading session upon us in which he revealed to us some amazing information about our lives some of which we confirmed or was about to happen which scared us. For example, Yahya read my palm and said:
“Each time you reach room, you immediately put off your shoes.” That was true. For Enoch, he said:
“You will soon be far away from your home.”
That was about to be true because Public Service had just posted him in a distant district as a District Commissioner. That scared us a lot.
I read Scientology, Christian Science (even attended their Church) but I did not find God or salvation.
Then I turned to Buddhism and Hinduism by keenly studying their theological books [Buddha and Baghvad Gita].
I studied and practiced transcendental meditation and the Science of Creative Intelligence by Maharishi Mahesh Yogi but did not find God or salvation.
When all failed, I turned to the American Eckanker occult which worships light. All these initiatives were done, principally, to establish evidence of a scientific God and salvation which dominated my belief system. The more I hankered for and sought after these lofty ideals of enlightenment, fulfilment, professional empowerment, financial freedom and power, independence, self-sufficiency, peace, joy, happiness, wisdom, power and life success, the more elusive they became until I received salvation on Tuesday the six of July nineteen ninety nine, at six forty three p.m. John 3:16.
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Watch not to change between 1st and 2nd person. For example: Intellectual pride had lead me, not us ....
You gave me a lot to ponder this week.
Now that he has found you through your belief in him, it is up to you to work out your own salvation with fear and trembling for if you love God you will obey his commandments.
Since you have found him, be faithful to obey him till death.