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Topic: LOVE (agape and/or phileo) (03/12/15)
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TITLE: The Greatest of These is . . . | Previous Challenge Entry
By Amy Gaudette
03/19/15 -
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I woke up in the ICU, plagued by visions of skeletons behind closed eyes. My thoughts were scattered and since I had pulled out my breathing tube, chaos seemed to surround me dressed in white. Alarm bells pierced the stuffy, unfamiliar air.
I closed my eyes, but more monsters danced under my eyelids. I quickly opened them and Jay, my husband, was sitting on my bed, showing me pictures of a newborn baby I did not recognize. He kept saying, “Isn't she beautiful?” All I could see was a swollen, red baby who looked like she had been through a fight as bad as mine. That was my daughter, Hannah, thrust into this world prematurely at 7 months gestation. My mind tried to grapple with what had happened.
Slowly events of the past week began to line themselves up, and I started putting pieces of the puzzle together . . .
I had gone for my regular doctors visit and it hadn't gone well. I had to return in three days, and when I did, I was admitted into the hospital. Eventually I was sent to a larger facility an hour away. The nurse who was readying me for the ambulance ride was very concerned; she couldn't get a needle into the back of my hand. I was concerned about how bad it would hurt. The Lord was right there with us. The nurse shocked me by saying, “Lets pray, if that's alright with you. Pray that despite your swelling, I can get a needle in the first time.” And she did! I hardly felt it.
The closer I got to the hospital the sicker I felt. Magnesium Sulfate. The dreaded drug. It would keep me from any chance of having seizures, should my blood pressure continue to climb. Very unlikely, since no one on that drug had ever had seizures before at that hospital, or any hospital in New England. But it made me feel as though I had hundred pound weights all over my body. My bowels wouldn't work and I felt like I was drowning. My blood pressure continued to rise and on the fourth evening, I became very ill. They called Jay in the middle of the night and told him he needed to come in right away.
They ended up inducing me, despite my condition, and I started seizing. I have almost no memory of two days before that time, and no memory of her birth. In fact, it is like I wasn't there. They kept me sedated for three more days. At that point, I guess I'd
had enough, because I pulled out my tubes. That's when I woke up in the ICU and returned to this world. Two days later I was escorted, still in my bed, up to the NICU unit and saw Hannah for the first time. Nurses were afraid I would not bond with her if I didn't start interacting with her. Truth is, I was too scared and felt too sick to do anything. My blood pressure had topped out at 205/110, and it was just starting to go down.
My mind was clearing, and I was in a bit of shock at all that had occurred. There was no explanation for eclampsia. I normally had very good blood pressure. Sometimes things do not go the way we plan. I was 35 and had been married for over 10 years and not gotten pregnant. We had decided to leave it in God's hands and walk by faith. Hannah had already been a miracle, now she was twice a miracle.
I cannot begin to count the blessings of God through this time. The church family cleaning and de-mousing our house! My family traveling hours and losing work time to visit me through glass doors. The NICU nurses showing God's great mercy as I struggled night after night, unable to sleep. Every time my husband would come and sit by my side, and gently strum the guitar, peace would surround me.
Faith became my food in my day to day walk. Hope became like water that I drank in greedily. When I was finally able to hold Hannah, I gently touched her silky soft copper colored hair. I gazed in her chocolate brown eyes, and I was overwhelmed with emotion. Faith, hope and love. In that moment I knew, the greatest of these must be love.
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