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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Husband and Wife (08/08/14)
Many of you may have read the title and thought how is that possible, as children of God we are to be in relationship/fellowship with one another. Well, let me explain. Now, I’m no psychologist or schooled/learned minister of the Gospel, but I noticed there was a pattern of sorts my husband and I were going through leading up to our separation. In this initial phase I felt many many unspoken emotions from both him and myself. I longed for some type of connection or some type of sign that said everything was going to be okay. It seemed the more I tried to find a connection to him the more it repelled him. I turned into this needy woman because of fear of losing my husband and our newly formed family unit that would soon grow one person more. It was emotionally draining, depressive almost.

I did and made everything my husband liked. Cooked his favorite foods, went roller skating, just anything that would show him that I meant the vows I said to him and the covenant I made with God. Unfortunately, it only yielded negative results with my husband. I was so caught up in the situation, I did not recognize the slippery slope I was on and soon started looking outside myself and away from God for the first time in a long time for happiness. Absolutely everything started falling apart…. My faith, my joy, my peace, my life all together.

One day my husband finally spoke those dreadful words, “I want a divorce, I’m not happy. It should not be this hard this early into our marriage.” It was devastating!! But, I immediately started praying as I did not believe or receive what he said as it was not what I believed in my heart of hearts to be true. It was not what God had spoken to me. I was in total disbelief! I immediately turned inward and sought spiritual counseling to help fix me. What was it that I did wrong?, What did I not do good enough?, Does someone see anything in me that may be displeasing to my husband that I do not see in myself? You name it I asked. It was crazy!

What I recognized from that initial phase about myself is that I had completely abandoned my faith and lived fully in fear created by those little slippery foxes King Solomon talked about. (Songs of Solomon 2:15) Everything I did was out of fear of losing love, family, and my helpmate. Everything I tried failed even though I prayed and sought counsel because everything was done out of the belief in my husband’s inability to listen to the voice of God and fear. I was being a silly emotional woman not using the wisdom given to me by God. (Proverbs 14:1) I forgot that the same God that was with me in my mess is the same God that was with my husband in his mess. Truth be told, I still was a mess.

In reflection, I have asked myself what would I have done differently had I recognized the spirit I was operating out of sooner? My response is this; I would have taken a minute or two to get my emotions in check by spending more time in prayer and meditation. I would have learned to recognize the devil steering up trouble because he knows what great things would come should my husband and our three strand cord have grown more tightly wound. I would have learned to step out of my own ideological thoughts about my husband's faith even if they were true. Most importantly I would have stopped operating out of fear and started operating out of I know, that I know, that I know who I am and WHOSE I am. I would have remembered that GOD would never leave me nor forsake me, that it was all in His control, and that GOD LOVED ME regardless of the lack there of from my husband and marriage.

It has been four years since our separation and I still believe in God’s promise for my marriage. I pray for my husband and our marriage. I pray God’s will be done. After all, until I am released or reconciled, I am still his covering and he mine.
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This article has been read 311 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Larry Whittington
08/15/14
This seem well organized, well thought out and well written.

I just don't feel qualified (or lead by the Spirit) to comment on its content.
C D Swanson 
08/17/14
This reflective piece of your life through introspective dialogue was well written and palpable in emotions.

Thank you for sharing your deepest thoughts with us in this entry, which was on topic as well.

I pray God's peace for you.

God bless~
Jason Barnett
08/17/14
It takes a lot of courage to write about a personal conflict of this magnitude. Praise God for laying this on your heart and helping you through it!

And its in moments when our spouse tells us those dreaded words (when we have tried our hardest) that we truly understand how Christ feels when we deny him.

This was really well written.
Amelia Brown 
08/21/14
If this is a true story, it is really a rough one to share. Thank you for letting us in. One thing remains constant, and it's that God is in control and He knows all things best.

This article held my interest from start to finish. Keep writing.