The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
10/25/12
What a beautiful story. It brought tears to my eyes and gave me shivers at the very end when Jesus was talking to the father. It makes us think, how many times might we have turned Jesus away? Great job.

God bless!
10/25/12
A powerful story that moved me beyond words. Execellent job...thank you!

God bless~
This is a powerful story. You did a nice job with demonstrating that Bible verse in a modern way that many people can relate to.

One thing I might suggest is to do more showing with active sentences. For example this sentence is passive but with just a bit of rearranging you can change it from this: Near the head of the table, sits their father, the turkey is carved, to this: After Father carved the turkey he sat down near the head of the table.
It's not much of a difference put it helps the reader form a picture. You could go on with: The son licks his lips as the smell of turkey allures him and his stomach rumbles in anticipation.

I think your message is quite powerful. You did a nice job of bringing in the topic in a different way. Though many wrote about this idea your approach felt fresh. it is a message that we need to be reminded of. It is too easy to get caught up in our world and forget the others who are hurting and suffering. This was a powerful read.
A well deserved win. Congrats!