Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Weary (05/03/12)
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TITLE: God's got your back! | Previous Challenge Entry
By Ramona Cook
05/05/12 -
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There was one person to help her during part of the day but the rest of the moving was for her alone. She was placing her furniture, and almost everything she owned, into a storage unit about five miles from the apartment.
When she signed the contract for the storage unit the storage Attendant had assured her that the place was very safe. In fact, since the business office for the units closed at 10:00 p.m. every night the key pad allowing anyone to enter, even with their correct personal key pad code, was automatically disabled. The Attendant cautioned her to always be there before the office closed, because otherwise it would be 7:00 a.m. the next morning before the gate would respond to the key pad.
The day had been strenuous and she was so tired she could hardly breathe. As she drove into the front of the storage unit’s drive she noticed that there was no light on in the office. It was ten minutes to 10:00 p.m. She thought, “Surely the key pad is functional because it is not yet 10:00.”
The car was packed to an illegal obstruction of any rear view, but this was the last trip. She thought it would take her about an hour to get the car emptied; tomorrow she must go to work. Work! “Ugh,” she thought, “can I get rested enough to work?” But of course she would work.
Mandy had often found it necessary to work to exhaustion. She had children to support. There had been many times that she would lie on the floor for a moment, feeling the sentence of death it seemed, but she had learned that she could call out to God for His energy and strength would come to her.
She drove beside the key pad and entering her code found that the gate would not respond. It was not yet 10:00 o'clock! Obviously the office had closed early.
Trying over and over again without success she did not know what she could do because the gate remained closed. She was not a crying type of person, but in her heart she was broken about this thing. She had tried so diligently to get the job done and done well, and now she found herself unable to complete the job and there was no help, and she was so weary; she felt faint and hopeless.
Doing the thing she knew to do in all instances of need, she cried out to God asking Him to send an angel to open the gate.
In her mind she pictured just seeing the gate open. She did not think she would see the angel who would come. However, since God had recorded those occurrences in the Bible, she knew He could do it again.
Twenty, maybe thirty minutes passed and there she sat in the overloaded car exhausted and alone. She then heard the loudest motor bike she ever heard and saw in the side view mirror that it was turning into the area where she was parked. He parked behind her car.
This bike was so red and shinny it was unreal. A very tall man, wearing a black and well fitted biker’s outfit, and white gloves, walked to the side of her car and without asking a question of her he said, “Here let me open the gate for you.”
The tall biker remounted his bike and drove into the gate and she followed. She did not see him anymore. She was there for one and one-half hours and he never left, she knew that because the bike was so loud no one could miss hearing it a mile away. Maybe he did the angel thing and simply moved into another dimension.
There is no doubt in Mandy’s mind that the man was an angel. An angel sent from God, and yes, Mandy does believe that God has angels that He dispatches for the assistance of His creation. The Bible says so.
In the New Testament we are told to, “Be not forgetful to entertain strangers, for some have entertained angels and were unaware.”
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It was well written, I felt the weariness of the MC as she struggled to get to the gate in time. Powerful, and intense. Great job.
I loved it! Thanks.
God Bless,
Camille~
Try doing more showing than telling. For example when Mandie saw the bike show how she would react. Mandie jumped at the rumbling of the motor bike. She shifted in her seat to see out the mirror, her jaw fell open when she noticed how shiny it appeared.
I really liked how you built the conflict. Though the mysterious angel is a common literary device, I have no doubt that God does send angels to us. For it is only with his strength that all things are possible. Great message.