Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Blog (10/20/11)
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TITLE: To Make a Profit | Previous Challenge Entry
By Ebony Murdoch
11/03/11 -
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"Ah! Now that's what I'm talking about! It'll just be a matter of time!"
"I've never seen you working so hard, Mike. What are you up to?"
"You'll find out soon, Mom. Don't worry. Hey, how'd the job search go today?"
"Not too well. I've been out of work so long, most companies don't want to risk hiring me."
"That's messed up, Mom. I mean, what are you supposed to do? It's not your fault you got laid off."
"Well … I'm not going to worry about it. Your father's insurance payments are still coming in. At least we'll have enough to get through the next few weeks."
"But will it cover the mortgage next month? What about the car? What about my tuition?"
Cheryl stared at the floor. "One day at a time, Mike. We have our daily bread for now; let's just be content with that."
____________
"Hey, Mom! Look! I'm on the news!"
Cheryl ran from the kitchen to see what the fuss was about. There, on the screen, was a photo of her son standing in front of their house.
"Michael Danton's chronicle of life in the wake of his dad's untimely death and his mom's struggle to find work is an Internet sensation. Social media sites have confirmed over 250,000 fans and followers. Major advertisers now want in on this phenomenon."
"Mike! What did you do? What did you post?" She had to sit down. Her head ached.
"Mom, you always said we should share what we're going through to help others, right? So that's what I did. Every time we can't pay a bill on time, or you get turned down on a job search, and whenever the mortgage payment drains all our available cash, I post it on my blog. It's like a journal. You wanna read it?"
"Did you publish my photo, too?"
"No. I know how you feel about that … but it wouldn't hurt. Can I add one now? I've got a great one with —"
"No … I didn't want … I didn't mean for you to put all our business out there for the whole world to see. It's too much. I want you to take the site down."
"Take it down? But Mom —"
"Please, Mike. Take it down. Now when I go for an interview, everyone's going to know how broke we are."
"God works in mysterious ways."
"Not that mysterious. Please take it down. Thank you."
Mike reviewed the posts. He had updated the site every Friday for the past several months. They began as a cry for help, but eventually, with the support of thousands of regular readers and subscribers, it had become a place to hope, ask for prayer, and just be understood by fellow strugglers in the economic downturn.
He tried not to feel defeated as began the deletion process. He couldn't bring himself to dismantle it altogether, so he put up a notice:
"Due to unforeseen circumstances, this site will no longer be available to the public."
Meanwhile, the two braced themselves for tougher times.
____________
Cheryl couldn't believe her ears.
"How soon can you start?" The firm's hiring manager seemed eager.
"I can start tomorrow!"
He laughed. "I'm afraid that's not possible."
Her face sank. "Oh?"
"It's a holiday, remember? We're closed. How about first thing Monday morning?"
A red-faced Cheryl shook the man's hand, sealing the deal. God had come through … again. She reached for the door handle to see herself out. I knew it. I didn't need Mike's crazy website after all.
"Oh, and one more thing," he added. "You've got a great kid. I read his blog a few days ago, and when I saw what you guys were going through, I thought, 'I've got to get that lady on our team.' I'd also like to offer Mike a part-time job as our web designer. Have him give me a call."
____________
"Mike!" Cheryl burst through the front door and bolted up the stairs into his room. "You'll never guess what happened on my interview today!"
"Did you get the job?"
"I did! Even better, there's work in it for you, too. Isn't God good?"
Mike looked at his mother over the top of his glasses, and smiled knowingly.
"All the time, Mom. All the time."
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You did a great job of staying on topic throughout the story and I really enjoyed reading this.
God bless
The only suggestion I can give you is one that has been mentioned to me several times and I struggle with it. You changed the POV a few times. First you let us know what the son was thinking, then you switched to telling us Mom had a headache then to what the boss was thinking. I used to think if I told a story in the third person that I could pop into different heads but it's easier for the reader to follow a short story if the writer just tells it from one POV. You can fix this by instead of saying Mom's head pounded show what Mom would look like with a headache. For example: Mom massaged her temples, her forehead wrinkled as she rested her head down on the table.
Overall, I think you wrote an outstanding story. I only mention the POV because I believe you are talented enough to push yourself beyond your comfort zone. Keep up the great work
Good work.
I loved it - beautiful, poignant, and so believable.
Love encomnpasses all. God is Love - and this story was filled with it...The Son showed his love for his mom in classic form.
Great job! God bless you~
Congratulations!