Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Eek! (02/25/10)
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TITLE: Ark Upgrade | Previous Challenge Entry
By Janny Wilson
03/03/10 -
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Papa Mouse pleaded, “It’s time to go Mama Mouse…you can’t take everything to the new house.
The ark is huge, it’s very wide, but all God’s creatures have to fit inside.”
Mama Mouse fussed, “I need to know, for our bedroom suite, do I need our fitted sheet?
I packed some food, some sausage meat, and also tossed in a sugar beet.
Now after all the things we eat- will there be a toilet seat?”
Papa Mouse replied, “Dearest wife we have to leave, please refer to the information sheet.
We are among the animal elite, I’m sure our accommodations will be replete.”
They jumped in their car with bucket seats, and fit all the luggage in the rumble seat.
Mama Mouse squEEKed, “Oh Papa, think of all the new friends we’ll meet, we will have a ringside seat!”
Papa prayed, “Now we’re off, adventure’s ahead, Lord give us this day our daily bread!”
“Tons of animals came two by two, what will they do with all that poo?
Coming to you LIVE from Noah’s Ark, this is reporter, Kenny Bark.
Noah checked the list then checked it twice, he seems to be missing a couple of mice.
Eek! I hope they make it to the boat, or that my friends, is all she wrote.
We’re standing by LIVE as the rain starts to fall. Hello Mr. Giraffe, you’re awfully tall!”
Back to the mouse and his dilly dallying spouse- they are just now pulling away from their house.
“What’s going on Papa? There’s no one around.” Sure enough, no creatures could be found.
Papa Mouse floored it and stepped on the gas- a unicorn- the only other creature they passed.
The rain starting falling, it was really coming down. “It’s ruining my hair!” Mama Mouse said with a frown.
It rained in big buckets it filled up their seats- the rain poured so hard they couldn’t see even five feet.
They were running out of hope, they were probably too late,
The Ark was already closing the gate.
Noah bowed his head and conceded defeat. Without the mice, his spreadsheet wasn’t complete.
“Breaking News!” yelled Reporter Kenny Bark, he spotted the mouse car in the dark.
“Run little mice as fast as you can and when you get close I’ll give you a hand!”
The water was rising they couldn’t see their feet, it was time to swim like a swimming meet.
With butterfly and dog paddle they swam toward the ark, commentary supplied by reporter Kenny Bark.
The gate was open now only a slice! They eaked right through, being such tiny mice.
Soaked and exhausted they fell to the floor, but jumped right back up as they heard a great roar.
This was their new home? It’s so scary and loud.
The mouse and his spouse felt lost in the crowd.
To sound really brave Mama Mouse said with conceit, “Would someone please find me a window seat?!”
Ha ha said Hyena, “Welcome aboard.” While right up above Eagle EEKED and soared.
The elephants got spooked and shouted “MOUSE EEK!” they almost crushed them under their feet.
Up their little mouse necks, climbed a prickly heat, as the snakes eyed them like a tasty treat.
The Ark started rocking, they were leaving dry land, and suddenly Noah scooped them up in his hand.
“There you are my tiny mates, it’s time to get you somewhere safe!”
They climbed and climbed to the very top floor, where Noah pushed open a big Gopher wood door.
Inside of this room was heard the most beautiful thing, Noah and his family started to sing.
They lit some candles and prayed hand in hand, as they realized they couldn’t see any dry land.
Noah made the mice a bed on a bag of whole wheat. Mama Mouse declared, “Now THIS is a window seat!”
Mama and Papa Mouse knew they were home, God was with them, they were not alone!
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If you try to go further with this one, you might want to format it more traditionally like a poem--shorter lines, maybe with an abcb rhyme scheme.
I enjoyed your cast of characters.
I found it quite distracting the way you had so many main characters giving their own perspective. It would have read more smoothly if you had stuck with the mouse or the reporter or Noah.
Before you hit submit, if you hit the preview button you can see how your words will look to the reader.
You did an amazing job with the rhyming. Very cute story indeed.