The Official Writing Challenge
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This is a very interesting story! You have good characters and an interesting storyline. My only note was that the spaces made it a little hard to read, because I couldn't be sure who was saying what. Otherwise, you have a good start here. ^_^
08/02/08
How our minds wander at times, especially during service. Though we may physically be in church, we may not always be in the presence of the Lord. May all of us learn to focus on God to worship Him during church service. Just a suggestion, maybe you should do some paragraphing for your story. It's kind of difficult to concentrate on reading without it.