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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Fearful (08/23/07)
Elsie ran, not daring to look back stumbling across one uneven field after the next. The larks pod that grew rampantly in the wild slapped against her thighs leaving bruises though she barely noticed. Behind her in the distance she could hear the grunts and howls of her pursuers and she ran faster, desperate to put as much distance between them and her as possible.

Sucking in great gasps of air she stopped for a moment, setting her hands on her knees. Her whole body was trembling from the combination of exertion and fear. She knew she couldn’t go on much further and looked around to get her bearings.

The blush of evening was just beginning to paint the sky and the air was rapidly cooling as the sun sank behind the distant horizon. The trilling of the woodlarks echoed across the field Elsie was in and a swarm of dragonflies hovered and flitted across the open larks blooms.

She shivered as much from fear as the sweat that begun to dry leaving her cold and vulnerable. She knew she would have to find a hiding place for the night and a good one or else…she shivered again not wanting to imagine what would happen if she didn’t.

A piercing howl echoed through the hills behind as a wave of fear overcame her, knocking her to her knees. Gasping and beginning to shake she knew she had little hope of escaping. Tears ran down her dirty cheeks leaving trails in the dust that clung there. 'Someone help me', she cried silently.

She knew she had to get up but really, what was the use? They would find her, tie her up, and torture her until she either died of exhaustion or pain. There was no one to save her. No one left crazy enough to challenge a hunting party of Tarbins. Wave after wave of fear engulfed her, her whole body shaking violently and she could hear the voices sneering in her head. 'You’re weak, just like the rest of those Seekers of Light. Weak. Where is your help now, oh Gifted One?'

Elsie pushed herself to her feet unsteadily and set off towards a pile of rocks in the distance, the taunting voices ringing in her ears. Maybe, just maybe there would be a big enough place there to conceal her. Limping closer she rubbed her ached legs just now realizing how bruised and battered they felt.

Reaching the rocks she started to climb as worry pulled at her, yet urged her on. Her foot slipped and she fell, banging her shin against the edge of a sharp rock point a cry of pain escaping her lips. Through the haze of fatigue she saw a hollow in the rock face and scrambled up to it, tucking herself in. Hugging her knees she willed herself to be silent, her breath coming in small gasps.

Not even a moment later the heavy footsteps and angry voices of her pursuers filled the field below. Listening to the grunts and hoots of their strange guttural language she willed the tears to stop blurring her vision. She wanted to be able to defend herself if she could.

Piercing light filled her vision and she looked up as fear gripped her anew. A man stood there just above her hiding spot, His face glowing and serene. The sounds of the search party seemed to vanish as His presence filled her senses.

'Little one, why didn’t you ask? I have never left you or forsaken you.' He seemed to have spoken for she heard the voice, but His lips hadn’t moved. 'It is the fear that cripples you from truly finding Me. I am always here.'

Shame filled her, and she bowed her head for she knew this Man. This was the Savior whom she served. Miserable and shaken she dared not glance at His face for she would not be able to bear the look she knew He would have. She had not been a trusting servant, but a weak and fearful coward.

'Come, my child.' Looking up she saw He had His arms outstretched and slowly stood, His arms enfolding her. Tears fell in torrents down her cheeks and she knew with sudden joy that all was forgiven and forgotten. She saw clearly how fear had gripped her mind, crippling her from the Truth and she felt its claws release as it fell away. With gratitude she stood wrapped in His Forgiving Embrace.
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This article has been read 836 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Jacquelyn Horne
08/31/07
Your writing here is very good. I love the picturesque words that flow so well. I was a little confunsed at the end however. Was this a dream? Where did the captors go? But I love the way she saw and accepted her need for forgiveness.
Peg Broussard
09/01/07
Very nice! Great discriptive voice. I enjoyed this very much.
Sherrie Jackson
09/03/07
Excellent job! Your use of vocabulary, especially in describing the surrounding nature, is superb for the beginning level.

Make sure to check to see that you have all the commas you need. General rule: if you would pause when saying it, put a comma there.

I imagined the protagonist as a little girl (and had images of the scenes in 'Forrest Gump'...) I think this story would work just as well on a bit less surreal level, especially if we knew who she was running from and why. This story would be amazing with a rewrite.

Good luck!
Brenda Buikema
09/03/07
What a story you paint with your words. It's just what I needed to read today after working at McDonalds and suffering the wrath of all those wonderful customers in a hurry to get home! I felt as if He was beckoning me to call on Him also. Well done! Blessed writing.
Jeanette Northan
09/04/07
This was excellent writing. I could picture satan and his demons trying to run after her. She was safe with God's embrace and forgiveness. Once God was there, satan had to turn away.
Jennifer Johnson
09/06/07
Great story! It was riveting. The ending was somewhat predictable, and I was left wondering what specifically happened to the hunters even though it is implied. However, God is wonderfully predictable in that He always forgives, loves and accompanies us even on our most terrifying journeys. This story is a great reminder of that!

Watch commas.