The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
08/03/06
Sad story. It really makes you think. I found the end slightly unsatisfing, but I thought the writing quality was swell.
08/05/06
You have such excellent writing skills, it is a joy to read your story. This could be a synopsis of a longer work. You have certainly made every word count, as you have compressed a lifetime of information, here.

This one pivotal paragraph ("Jack prayed for the first time in ten years....") seems to need more to explain Jack's transition (ie, more of his own spiritual background, perhaps), but with the extent of material you have covered within the word limit, you have done a great job. Write on, friend!
I thought this was written well. I did want your story to continue. Maybe you could lengthen it add what Ed suggested before you submit else where.

All in all, keep writing for the glory of HIM!
08/07/06
You really packed a punch with this story, sure makes one stop and think. Great writing!
08/07/06
Very well written. Great descriptions. A meaningful and believable story. Other than perhaps changing or eliminating the first three words of the last paragraph, I liked the ending very much.
08/07/06
Very good story and an excellent interpretation of the topic. I think in places you need to show a little more and tell a little less, but that's one of the problems of trying to fit a substantial storyline into a short word limit. Good job.
08/07/06
Excellent writing! You paint a very clear picture here!
08/07/06
What a great piece. I wasn't expecting the ending. I'd like to see this expanded, to tell the stories of some of the other prisoners.
Wonderful writing, once again! Beautiful descriptions as well: "Like sprinkles on a chocolate donut.." is lovely.
08/09/06
I agree about the first three words of the last paragraph -- they seemed out of place. But other than that, this was a powerful story. I caught myself gasping, cringing and crying as I read through this. Wonderful story ... the ending being sad in one way and yet I felt joyful that he was finally released from his sentence to live with his beloved Jesus! Great work! :)