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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Shrewdness (03/07/05)

TITLE: The Bargainer
By Jan Ackerson
03/07/05


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Look at that piece of junk! It ainít worth nothing, but Iíll take it off your hands, if you want me to.

No, thanks. I think Iíll keep it.

Aww, címon! Why would you want to keep that dirty, broken-down old thing? Tell you whatójust sell it to me cheap, and Iíll haul it away with me. You wonít ever have to bother with it again.

Thanks, but no. Itís got a lot of sentimental value for me. I wonít part with it.

Wait, wait! Come back here! What do you want for it? Címon, gimme a break here! What do I have to do to get you to lemme have it?

Youíre a shrewd bargainer, but you donít have anything I want. This item is priceless to me.

Okay, okay, but wait just a minute. You got any more of these? Maybe in worse shape than this one? I donít care how beat up it is. Iíll take whatever you got. Give a guy a break, will ya?

No. Please take your hands off it, and I think you should stay away from my property. I really donít want to have any dealings with you.

Jesus Christ!

Yes.


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This article has been read 1320 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Shellie Power03/14/05
I think you had a good idea here and I would have liked to see you flush it out a bit more. It would have read easier with quotation marks. I have read it several times and am left feeling as though it is unfinished.
Phyllis Inniss 03/15/05
I think I eventually got the idea you were driving at. It was a little difficult at first reading, but a clever method nevertheless.
L.M. Lee03/15/05
I enjoyed the opening and how you bartered...but I never found out what the pricless object was.
donna robinson03/15/05
I think I got a confused a little as to what it was they were bargaining for. At first I thought it was a bible and then maybe salvation? Definite good dialog going here and I think 150 more words would have brought it full circle!
Joanne Malley03/16/05
I agree with everyone else. You were on to something. Nice diaglog. It has good bones, though. :) Joanne
karen McLamb03/16/05
WOW! This very funny!
Delores Baber03/18/05
Me! I'm the worn out thing the devil wanted. I may look a mess, but, like the Lord said, I'm precious to Him." Loved the story!!
Carol Adams03/18/05
I would have liked if you would have defined it more and developed it
further. Your points are excellent just more detail.
Karen Noblitt03/19/05
This was very good, but I'm a little confused. Maybe you could have been a bit more clear as to what or whom they were talking about? Other than that, I thought this was a wonderful piece! You have talent!
Jacquelyn Horne05/21/07
I love reading all the older challenges. I've read your more recent ones, too, and you've come a long way. Good job.