The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/03/06
This is a nice piece! I really enjoyed the humor you injected into it! I found it a bit unfocused (if your final paragraph was meant to be the message of the piece, the action above didn't build up to it - in my opinion, anyway!), but I could definitely relate! (I think we all could!) Keep writing!
08/04/06
"Welcome to the real world." I heard that as a young man myself, and it probably would have made a good title for your entry, though yours did get my attention. Thanks for sharing.
God Bless.
08/09/06
Your title intrigued me, and your humor kept me reading.

One suggestion I learned from the veterans of FW: put white space (double space) between each paragraph. Your piece becomes easier to read when you do this.

Another suggestion is to read the piece out loud even if only to yourself. Believe me, I've done this each time I write an article and caught many an awkward sounding sentence, incorrect verb usage, or typo. It works!

Like I said, I like the humor you injected into your article, and look forward to reading more!