The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
07/27/06
Amen.
This is a subject that should be expossed today and you did a very nice job writing it. I could feel your pain. Thanks for sharing a painful subject. Maryolyn Payne
oops, I should have checked my spelling before sending my comments. Sorry
07/28/06
Thank you for sharing your heart. This kind of abuse also happens among friends. You sincerely believe you are doing the right things by preserving the relationship, until finally the light goes on. Good job.
Wow! I can't imagine it. I've never been abused, but I have heard the stories, and my heart aches for every one of them, for you. I'm glad you made the call. I pray that your life is much better now. You have a gift with words as I saw and heard the anguish you felt as you went through the pain of abuse. Keep writing and sharing
08/01/06
Very nice job. Only a couple of things to watch, writing-wise (is that a real word?) First, watch tense. There were a couple of places where it seemed a little muddled--first paragraph was one. It's hard to know exactly how to word those verbs sometimes. Also, see if you can do some combining of sentences and ideas to promote a smoother flow. For example, you said swollen eye (maybe it was the eye...I didn't copy it to paste here, sorry) that was turning blue. You could combine that idea for a bruising, swollen eye. I wondered if you were using shorter sentences to convey the emotional rockiness of the situation, which works, but if you were try to keep it consistent and steer away from longer sentences--they feel out of character with all the short ones and break that idea.
Overall, very well written--are you sure you're writing in the right level?!
I appreciated your work, Deb