The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/27/06
Nicely described situation, but I found the constant changing of verb tense confusing. You should probably stick just to past tense in your writing.
07/30/06
I really enjoyed your writing. You have handled the frustrations of not being able to walk very well. Also, you've touched on how the mind is ahead of the feet, unlike the one year old. I felt the frustration. Today I will appreciate my steps more...because of your writing. I think that the ending could be a bit more subtle, though. Telling the nurse that he wants to learn how to walk....I'm not sure someone would really say that. It sort of takes away from the realism of your piece. It's a very small detail, however. Good work!
07/30/06
It is so easy to fall into the "if onlys". good story and well written.