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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Walk (07/20/06)

TITLE: Where Evil Treads
By Jean Bundas
07/20/06


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“One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful…” (2nd Samuel 11:2 NIV)


“Please don’t go,” Crissa begged. Sam looked at her angrily, “This conversation is going nowhere. I’ve had it.” He walked out, slamming the front door behind him. He tugged at the wedding ring on his left hand. It felt as if it was constricting the blood flow in his finger. Sam quickly removed it, tucking it in the pocket of his jeans.

“Don’t walk away.”

Sam ignored the voice in his head. He jumped in the car, tires squealing as he pulled away from the curb. His car seemed to be on auto-pilot as it headed toward a familiar section of town.

“I won’t protect you this time.” the voice said.

“I can handle it myself,” Sam muttered, “I don’t need your help.”

Sam slowed down to a crawl as he pulled onto Grand Avenue. The houses in this area left much to be desired. A group of young teens hung out on the corner. Their bodies sported tattoos and piercings. They were dressed in black and orange, gang colors, for a group called “Midnight Warriors”. The scent of burnt leaves clung heavily in the air.

Sam continued down the street. There she was. He had spotted her while cruising this area on various occasions in the past month. He had never stopped.

He was just looking. Nothing wrong in looking, he tried to convince himself.

The girl smiled at him and winked. She brushed her long dark hair behind her ear.

“Keep going”the voice told him.

Sam pulled over to the curb and got out of the car.

“Turn around” said the voice.

Sam stopped for a moment. He looked down at the empty spot on his ring finger. His wife’s face flashed before him.

Sam looked down the street at the scantily clad young woman. Her smile seemed to beckon him to join her.

Sam walked towards her.

He placed one foot in front of the other, each step quieting the warning that rang in his ears.

The voice grew silent.

Sam stopped in front of the woman. Reaching in his pocket, he pulled out a few bills and handed them to her. She smiled and began to lead him down the sidewalk towards a near-by building.

As they entered the room, she paused and reached into her purse. Pulling out her wallet, she opened it. Something shiny flashed before his eyes.

“You’re under arrest,” she told him. “Put your hands on the wall and spread eagle.”

Suddenly, two other officers seemed to come out of no where. “You should have stopped walking at the curb,” the officer told him.

Sam hung his head in shame. “I should have stopped walking at my front door.”




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Member Comments
Member Date
Dan Blankenship 07/27/06
I started reading, couldn't stop, and at no point did I want to. Great work, great lesson, and a joy to read. Sincerely,
Dan Blankenship

Megan Pierce07/27/06
Very well-done, and also leaves with us a life lesson.
Constance Marie Korn07/27/06
This story kept a lump in my throat right till the end. It was an eye opener on how as we ignor the voice of God, it seems to just go away after a while. Regret is a terrible thing. Well written and exciting to read. God Bless! Constance
Angela Logsdon07/27/06
Powerful message. God always warns us of danger, unfortunately we sometimes drown out his voice by our rebellion.
Valerie Routhieaux07/27/06
Very good, and a strong Amen. Very well written. The imagry was portrayed very well. I saw and felt that inner voice as he walked into danger. Keep writing.
Ann FitzHenry07/27/06
Wow! EXcellent writing. Very well done!
Del Gibbs07/27/06
That was well written. I'm impressed. Good reminder to listen to that inner voice...and also to our wife!
Lynda Schultz 07/27/06
Good work! I especially liked the last line.
Marilee Alvey07/27/06
Wow! Congratulations! Well done. Well written. Succinct, creative, accurate. I have nothing to say but well done! Loved it, loved it, loved it!
Joanne Sher 07/28/06
Very compelling! Awesome job of keeping the suspence/interest going!
Clarissa Barge07/29/06
Good article indeed and a good lesson on being watchful for that RED LIGHT!
Tracey Jackson07/30/06
A very gripping read. The pace and dialogue was good and I could really "hear" that inner voice. Excellent ending with a great message. Look forward to reading more of your work :)
rehcelle cook07/31/06
This is a wonderfully put warning to be aware of the snares that satan lies in your path on a daily basis.
Well Done!
Joe Flowers07/31/06
The hardest thing in the world for me to do is write a short story that means something, much less leaves the reader silent, their mouth agape. But that is exactly how I found myself after reading "Where Evil Treads." This is a powerful story that shows us (my interpretation) how God brings us back to Him, even though it may be too late to save ourselves in our own pitiful lives. Whatever the outcome for the character in this story, he learned a very, very hard lesson, and forever will be changed. Nice imagery, too. I could see where the character was driving, what the neighborhood looked like, and the kind of woman whom he found. The only critique I would give you is that the dialogue was a bit stilted. But then again, I only know that because my own work is stilted. Nice job! Please keep writing!
Sarah Mursell08/01/06
Well done,that's a really clever way of putting a message across.I could have read on!
Cynthia Sutton08/01/06
Wow! I really enjoyed that article. I hear those voices a lot. Then again, I think it's my sister speaking reason to me. She's the voice of reason in our family. I've learned to listen. Excellent story; two thumbs up!
Rebecca Simpson08/02/06
You are truly gifted! Once I started reading, I was compelled to keep going. The only thing I found disappointing was the very end. I almost felt as though you were in a hurry to wrap it up... which you may have been considering the word count we must adhere to! Awesome job though.
Rita Garcia08/02/06
Powerful message, may we all listen and obey that still small voice within. Great story, well written!
Trina Courtenay08/03/06
Congrats on being highly commended this week. Awesome job!

May the Lord continue to guide your quill as you write to glorify HIM!
Ann FitzHenry08/03/06
Congratulations on your Highly Commended! This was my favorite beginners "walk" entry.

Way to go!