The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
07/22/06
Good story--consider giving your readers a subtler ending...perhaps omitting the last paragraph. When you've done a good job setting the stage (and you have...) then you don't need to deliver such a tidy package at the end. Let your readers think about it, with Kylie.
07/22/06
Where shall I begin? First, this title is perfect, it's actually the reason I read it...it caught my eye. Second, your writing is virtually flawless, if there were any typos/grammatical problems, I didn't notice them. Third, I actually liked the way you ended it, although I understand what Jan means about letting the reader think about it along with Kylie. Overall, a very enjoyable read.
07/25/06
I really liked this story. Your writing is very descriptive. This was an interesting idea for a story. Your dialogue was real until the end. I would liked to have seen you end with your character thinking about possibly coming again. I think that would have been more realistic. But this is really great! I'm so glad I read it.
07/25/06
A really great read - with a moral to boot! A word left out in the 3rd paragraph, but otherwise well written. Nicely done.