Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Soul (07/13/06)
TITLE: God's Exchange Policy
By Rasheed Allen
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On the surface of my soul - Everything that happens to me is reflected here. I can’t see it, but others do when it escapes from me. I wonder if I can wipe it off – is it possible to escape or become anything else? My soul cries sometimes and echoes the journey I have not taken and the decisions I have made. Can I escape it? Or am I held captive and hostage to it? My mind is overrun with failure and with valiant promises won and lost. My heart aches and out of my heart flow my issues. The stains of my mistakes and the glass broken in the sanctuary of my mind makes me wonder how God loves me when he sees what I can only feel – the depths of my soul. Unseen to all those around me, yet bare and naked before him – it is why I often cry at the thought of anyone seeing me like that.
I spoon feed even my best friends, I don’t believe they can handle the whole me, the dirty me, the ugly underbelly of my life. Can he make it clean? They tell me he can make me new. They sing about his mercy and his grace. He tells me that he loves me and he knows all about me. Not the performance, not the brave face or the faced washed dry with tears – he sees me without any show or excuses. He doesn’t want a replica of me. He wants the real me. My soul – with all perfect imperfections; he doesn’t judge me or throw me away. That love is beyond special. That love is immeasurable and difficult to accept because I can still feel the rotten me, the spoiled and used parts of me in agony. “Come as you are,” I have heard the songs say. Broken, wounded, hurting – he wants it all. I found out he wants to exchange. He wants to swap me for what I have.
My eyes well up with broken tears in broken eyes and I wonder at him. “No one wants this, this is the worst of me,” I say. He turns to me. The silence is deafening and his blinding eyes pierce my wounded and towering wall of pain. My heart is leaking, my confidence is torn and my body is trembling before him. I cry again and I wonder what he thinks of me. “Who would want me?” I ask. I try to look, but my shame and my sin cast me eyes to the ground. I am not worthy. His hand touches me gently and I start to tremble more. My mind confesses all the secrets hidden inside.
My soul cries in pain as his eyes meet mine. “The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me; because the Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound; To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all the mourn; To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.”
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