The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/23/06
Very real character. Good writing and I liked the progression of events. One tiny typo..."I did instead of it did" if I remember correctly. I liked how it flowed and the dialogue was very good!:)
A powerful story, full of life, indeed! I don't think you need the final paragraph of explanation; Olivia's expression of praise says it all! Excellent writing.
06/26/06
Hi, Trina,

Interesting take on the topic - a year in the life. I really like how you broke it into seasons.

I think the character is quite believable, and the situation is all-too real. I guess my only critique is that given the tight word allowance, there's not really enough room to develop this in enough depth to do the plot justice. In the interest of saving words, you had to just tell us what was going on instead of taking the time (words) to let us experience it for ourselves.

But be encouraged! You've got a lot of good elements here: the emotional intensity, the message, the resolution. Keep it up, 'cause you're on the right track!
Good job. You covered everything well. I agree with Anita. This has got a lot of potential.
06/26/06
I like how you interwove some of the other topics into the story. I got a little laugh out of that, even though the story itself wasn't humerous.
06/27/06
Good character development, probably need to work on good descriptive details of the story, make the dialogue hop off the page. Nice job overall.
06/27/06
I liked the style you used by breaking down the different seasons during this time of her life. I also liked the creative use of the character's name. One sugggestion would be to break down the last sentence in two slightly revised sentences.
06/28/06
A captivating story in the transistion of her life. Good job.