The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/22/06
I think you show a lot of skill at writing. You might want to break it up some with more dialogue and I would also perhaps leave off some of the last paragraph and end sooner, just a thought. Your words were detailed and flowed very well! Nice job!
06/23/06
Wow! What a terrifying but wonderful day. Your last sentence wrapped it up beautifully.
Very interesting story and well told.

I agree with the comment above about adding some dialogue. I think it would give the reader more insight into the characters.

I had a problem with the word "now" being used to describe Labor Day weekend in 1997 when the rest of the words were in the past tense in the same paragraph.

Why were you "probably" upside down? Sounds like there was no doubt to me.

Very good story. Keep it up.