The Official Writing Challenge
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Well the only way to learn is to get a critique. Watch your puncuation and typos. That said, with 750 wds to play with I know I sure would've like to see more. I thought you were off to a good start here but than you just ended it. Take heart, it's only my opinion.

Sorry to see that no one has left a comment on your entry.

I don't know if you know but there is a hinting/hunting game in the writing forum where you can post your hint & other members will read, (I pray they leave comments) or critiques. If this was the hint "opposite of life" that I found there, I'm glad that I looked through the list twice due to the fact that I was looking for the word "Death".

Blessings & Keep writing for the glory of HIM.
Trina<><
06/28/06
You have a very powerful way of writing, although at times it is tending to cloud rather than clarify. Real talent here, though. Keep writing.