The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/16/06
Sermons that bring tears are often the best. I like the parallel to the wanderings from Egypt to her problems. Nicely done and well conveyed message.
06/19/06
Very nicely done! I can relate. I like how you came full-circle with Abigail and gave her closure at the end. A beauty!
06/19/06
Well done, I know I have been there before.
Sometimes it takes more than one sermon to get your point across. How true. This is a very good piece. I found myself in Abigail's place, felt her struggles and want to go back to what was. Then God just reaches down and comforts us with words of understanding and compassion.
Please keep writing.
Strong message and well worth your win! Congrats!

Trina<><
06/22/06
Excellent piece. Good insight. If this wasn't out of a sermon, it certainly SHOULD be. Isn't that how God works? He sits us down and pins us where we are, to the pew, tenderly. You made an excellent, fresh point about wanting to return to the comfortable instead of holding out for God's best when things get a little bit uncomfortable. We have to go through the forest, with him as our guide. Thanks for the reminder. I believe I'll use this point, sometime, with my kids. You've enriched my life with your writing. In reading your writing and the other winners, I can see that spark that brought the win. You are teaching me, too, how to be an effective, life changing author. Thank you!
Congratulations, Gail! Well-deserved recognition! You're on a roll with a highly-charged, descriptive writing style here.

I have one simple suggestion that will be easy for a writer of your caliber to pick up on. If you concentrate on active verb forms rather than passive ones, your reader response will quickly increase.

You started out strong with “shot her husband an angry look.” However, for the next eight paragraphs, you lapsed into an "explanation mode," using all passive verb forms. Examples: “had already heard,” “had been a heated argument,” “had given her one of those longsuffering looks,” “had retorted angrily.” Just keep the verbs fresh, active and sizzling, and you'll be ready to publish!