The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/18/06
This was a joy to read! Remembering such things brings a smile. It is a little confusing when the POV goes from the worshipper to the Lord. Overall, nicely done!
Simple, lovely images, creating a very tender mood! You warmed my heart with the love between Father and child. There are a couple of things you might do to indicate to the reader that the POV has changed. Italics work for some; others insert that actual address: "Dear Father," and "My Child.." In any case, you have a strong poetic gift! I look forward to reading more.
06/21/06
One of my winners for this level (see the message boards)! Super piece.