“The Dysfunctional Peace of Hell”
Blaze was a vagabond that roamed the streets of New York looking for his next high. He stole what ever he could to pawn his habit. It was Christmas 1999 and he was experiencing pre-millennial stress. As he walked lethargically through the crispy chill of the New York exhaust blowing in his face; three young overzealous Christians out to convict the world approached him and said; “Repent; you sinner, you are going to hell!!!”
I looked at them and said; can I ask you two things? They replied; “YES”. First, do you have ten minutes I can sit with you? Second, I have not eaten in 1 ½ days, would you be so kind to buy me some toast and a coffee? They were stunned by this dirty man that smelled like he was marinating his body in dirt and alcohol, but; they reluctantly replied yes and went into a local diner called; “Hell’s Kitchen”.
Today is my Birthday; I am 44 years old. 10 years ago I was just like you, I believed in God; me and my family loved church. I really got close to God. For the first time in my life I had personal peace from my Stepfather abusing me as a child and my mother dying when I was 12.
I have completely liberated myself from the dysfunctional family that I had been sponsored by from the hands of fate. I had such tranquility that comes from being in communion with the Holy Spirit and the Bible.
I had the amazing peace, my mind was sound, my heart was strong, and my soul was in the best shape of its life. I broke out of my cocoon of unforgiveness and became free like a butterfly. I had a passion to know God.
I worked for UPS as a loader and my wife was a nurse, we were the perfect middle class family with a little baby girl that I nicknamed; Kisses.
All of a sudden the 3 young men started to ball up in there eyes as they watched Blaze have an outburst in tears. Blaze went silent for a moment and the tears were dripping from his eyes like someone was wringing out a rag.
Blaze regained presence of mind and said; forgive me, it has been 3 years since I shared my reality. 3 ½ years ago on Christmas Day me and my family were driving back from a Party; as I was heading to our home in Long Island I hit a patch of ice and spun out of control and hit a corner of a bridge. My wife and my baby Kisses were killed instantly.
I woke up one month later to find out that I lost everything, my wife, my baby, my child, my home, my job and my personal peace of the relationship I had with God. I was incarcerated 2 years because my alcohol level was over the limit and I was charged with involuntary manslaughter.
I have been wondering the streets with no money, job, family or place to stay, I have injuries that are like a poking thorn in my flesh. I lost all my personal peace.
As I scuba dive in my mind, I constantly bring to the surface the love of my lives; my God, my wife and my baby kisses. I am extremely mad at God and I take drugs and drink to numb myself from the voices in my head. The more drugs I take the loader the voices get, I consume whatever I can to escape the reality of no hope for my future and the tormenting voices of the past. I have no personal peace but I have become the person that the Bible says in 2 Peter 2:20-21 (NCV) 20 They were made free from the evil in the world by knowing our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. But if they return to evil things and those things control them, then it is worse for them than it was before. 21 Yes, it would be better for them to have never known the right way than to know it and to turn away from the holy teaching that was given to them.
So tell me something guys; “What would you do if you were me?”
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