The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
06/08/06
Good read. I enjoyed this, (I am a Sci-Fi buff anyway). this would be a great story to expand in both earlier happenings and greater details.

Blessings
Joyce
06/10/06
As a sci-fi writer myself, I was immediately drawn into this allegory. Enjoyed it immensely. I'm not sure it was necessary to explain it's only fiction at the end; it was quite obvious to me.
06/10/06
I enjoyed this also.
Nice piece. Thanks.
06/12/06
"...now he has only your system left..."

A real thought-provoker!
06/12/06
I'm not sure if my original comments ended up in cyberspace, but in case they were lost, I'll repeat them.

For a beginner in a hurry to go camping, you wrote a delightful science fiction story! Your opening paragraphs captured me and led me on.

I would look again at comma usage to 1) separate a name from the rest of the sentence: "I love you Margie." (place a comma after the word 'you'); 2) Separate two independent clauses: "It’s a peaceful place to die I guess." (comma goes after the word 'die'); 3) Put a comma after the words 'yes' or 'no' to separate them from the rest of a sentence: "Yes of course you need answers"

Like I said before, this is a very good piece despite what you said in your hint on the Message Board. Keep writing!
You touched a chord with all us SciFi nuts. Very good stuff here. I would love to see this expanded into something longer. Great job.
I agree with everyone. Wish I could even dream up something like this in under an hour.

Blessings!
Trina
I loved it!! I wanted to read more......
LOVE THIS STORY! Whoa! This is such great fun. Action-packed, dramatic...the winners in this level must have been amazing, because this is worthy of the better works I've read on this site. I wouldn't change a thing. More sci fi...PLEASE! Great work.