The walls were closing in on her as she sat there on the concrete floor. The walls seemed to be breathing and sweating in the same rhythmic pattern that she was. She didn’t know how long she had been down in “the hole” nor could she tell if it was day or night. Trouble seemed to follow here where ever she went. It was probably for the best she was in a small hole rather than getting into more trouble.
She shouldn’t have fought back. She should have just taken the abuse the other inmate girls were dishing out. She wouldn’t be in “the hole” right now if she had given into them. She could have gone hungry for one lunch, but how many more would she have to give up by just giving up that one. Her self respect and her pride were on the line and she fought back against the little voice inside her mind and she fought it with all her might. Sure she ached all over and she thought she might have a black eye, but she had saved face. She stood up for herself against the odds. Maybe she lost the fight, but she still was proud of herself for fighting back at all. She was no push over, she was a fighter. No body is going to push her around.
She let her mind wonder back to before she got in prison in the first place and realized if she just would have said no to Nick the first moment she met him everything would be fine, but oh no she had to say yes when he asked her out.
She was working at the Bowl-A-Rama as a cashier when he came in. He turned a lot of heads not only because of his appearance, but because of how he just arrogantly swaggered in. She watched him walk by her with his brown wavy hair down the back of his neck, light blue eyes, and muscles to match.
When he noticed her watching him he stopped and stared for a moment, as if he could see all her secrets. He finally said, “Hey, Babe” and winked at her. Her heart fluttered as if he had reached into her chest and squeezed. She just said, “Hi” and went back to her work.
Nick had come up to the register to get a lane and rent shoes. He asked her when she got off. She said, “In a few hours”. It was almost like she was his puppet from then on for as long as he wanted, again she didn’t listen to that little voice in her mind.
It was months later after they had moved in together that she realized he was not just a little bad, he was a full blown criminal. At first he kept it from her and then when she found out, he threatened to kill her if she ever left him. She knew he was serious.
It was too late by then she was already in love with him, so she gave in to him and tried to help him rob a bank. All she wanted was him to love and accept her. He said they would never have to worry about money again. He said his plan was fool proof.
They were both caught and she got 5 years because of her clean record and he got 10 because he had a record a mile long.
Thinking back she realized how dumb she had been. If she had just listened to that little voice inside that said, “No, don’t do it”. That voice was always there in her head telling her right from wrong. She vowed she would listen, no matter what happened. It would cost her, but realizing that not listening got her in more trouble than listening would have.
She decided to pray for God’s help to get her out of the mess she is in and to help her to make a new life for herself. She knew that, the little voice inside her was the Holy Spirit telling her and guiding her. Vowing that she would listen to that little voice until her dying day, she felt an overwhelming sense of personal peace that the Lord would always be there, as long as, she was there to listen.
The Lord’s love is so great even when we are sinning he is still trying to get us to listen to his guidance
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