The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
06/09/06
You write well and produce powerful images for your reader's mind. Your message of warning is very effective in this story format, getting through to a reader's heart much better than a sermon would do. Keep writing!
06/12/06
Very well written article and I can visualize the setting. I would only suggest you spell out numbers (five, ten). Overall, very nice :)
Very nicely done. I like the second line a great deal, about the walls sweating and breathing as she was. Very creative.

You do a good job bringing in the reader. You might try writing this in the first person. It would bring her emotions up front even more.

Great job and keep writing.
06/13/06
That "little voice" comes in loud and clear when one is alone, in prison or in a jam; prison officials know alot about those that turn to the Bible or listen to that "little voice" in prison...it's known as Jailhouse Religion. A very creative and nicely told story.
06/16/06
Jennifer, I enjoyed this piece. I do prison ministry and I know that people can make a bad decision in five minutes that can ruin the rest of their life.

I'd watch the overuse of comments. I noticed it especially at the end of the story. I've been known to do the same thing.

Very nice story about how desperate some women are for love. It's also a good point to talk about that little voice that we all have...if we haven't beaten it into submission!
this is well writeen. I liked the line about getting a black eye but saving face. that is rich.

also, the voice inside that say don't do it. I did it anways and it cost me, but God is gracious.

good job. keep writing. you're good.