The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
06/01/06
Study each word and phrase - that would be useful for a good Bible study. Nicely written, flows well, and held my attention. :)
Good stuff! You have a wonderful passion for this story, which I'm guessing may be somewhat autobiographical.

Your paragraph openings will be stronger if you avoid the perfect tense('ing'). "Flinging" is a side thought. "She flung" is a primary thought and a stronger picture.

You want to build the story on what the reader 'sees' happening, rather than on what you, the author, explain. Rather than tell the reader about her anger with her past, why not let her have a red-hot dialogue with Mom? The reader will figure out in just a few words how she feels!

There's a great story-teller in you. Keep writing!
06/06/06
What a precious story! You write like a pro -- I didn't spot any editing distractions.

Without preaching, you have presented a message through your character's eyes that many more will "hear" at the heart level, than would listen to a sermon. God has blessed you with talent and motive to make good use of it. Thank you!
06/11/06
Hooray! What a beautiful, glorious testimony. Is it true? It certainly rang true. Wonderful work! Looking forward to reading more from this author :-)