Flinging my book across the room, a rage welled up inside worse then a volcano eruption. Why was I here? For that matter why was I ever born? While standing in the middle of the bedroom, tears streaming down my face, ancient torments flew at me like so many times before. I knew there were no answers coming, there never was.
Years of questions, rejection and self-hatred continued to harass me. Momma’s death had taken a toll on my heart; my one source of security was long gone. Then Dad remarried and his new wife literally despised me and enjoyed reminding me on a daily basis. Finding Mom’s old Bible and discovering the page that revealed the secret that my parents were in reality my grandparents had sent my life into a tailspin for years. Even years later, the event still brought despair to my very soul. The knowledge that my own mother gave me to my grandparents ate away at my soul. No one wanted me; no one had ever wanted me. I had never been able to shake that feeling of worthlessness.
Crumbling into a heap beside my bed, I cried tears of anguish, grief and rejection. If my own mother did not want me, how could I ever expect Jesus to, that Pastor Fred spoke of at church? Jesus wouldn’t want me; I could never be good enough. The years of torment and rejection rose once more in the volcano of my heart.
My little family had started attending a church just a few months earlier, but it brought no satisfaction to me. I was angry, bitter and confused. So many earlier rejections only led me to believe that at some point my husband would leave. Everyone I ever loved had left me. Why would this time be any different?
“Lord, I need some answers; I can’t take living like this anymore. Why am I here? Please help me!”
“Isaiah 43,” the words drifted across my mind.
“Great, now I am hearing voices. Maybe I am crazy on top of everything else.”
Again, the words came, “Isaiah 43.”
Slowly picking up my Bible from the floor, I wondered if there was a book called Isaiah. I was not familiar with the book or the individual books inside. After locating the Index, I searched through the list. My heart began racing when I discovered that indeed there was an entry called Isaiah. Now I had to learn if there was an Isaiah 43. Could it be possible? Turning the pages quickly, I began trembling at the thought that maybe, somehow I was hearing from the Lord.
‘But now, thus says the LORD, who created you, O Jacob, And He who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you. For I am the LORD your God, The Holy One of Israel, your Savior;’
After reading those words, amazement filled my heart and I had to re-read them a second time. As I studied each word and phrase, line by line I was astonished how these few words were affecting my spirit.
A hope I had never known began growing deep inside. Was it possible that this Creator of the universe really wanted me? According to what I was reading, He wanted me and created me. He promised to be with me. All I could do was sit and meditate on the few words that now meant so much to me. I had heard from the Lord. There was absolutely no doubt in my heart, that He had led me to this portion of Scripture.
Three words continued to jump out at me, ‘You are Mine!’
I was His. I was His child. My life was not an accident; I had been born for a purpose, to be His child. Even if no one else in the world wanted me, He did. For the first time in many years, I felt renewed hope and joy and I knew that at last I was home.
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