Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Purposefulness (Purpose in Life) (05/25/06)
TITLE: The Crazy Thing about Me
By Ann FitzHenry
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As I entered the doctor’s office, the lingering smell of medicine mixed with disinfectant greeted me at the door. Children with runny noses and elderly people in wheelchairs mingled in the lobby. A steady hum of conversation hung in the air. When I got married, this wasn’t the scene I pictured when I considered having a child. Now after a year of mentally, physically and financially exhausting fertility treatments, today was the end of the line. With glowing hope, I committed my heart one last time.
Sitting in the waiting room was like being issued your own cell in a torture chamber. Pregnant women alighted on every chair like birds perched on a wire. With knowing looks in my direction, they traded doleful nods while their young children flitted about the office playing with magazines. Failure wrapped around me like a shroud as I waited for my escape.
After an eternity, with everyone’s hot stares burning a hole in my back, a nurse ushered me into a private room. The gateway to the fertile world waited in this cold, impersonal place. I planted myself on the exam table and reflected on everything that had led to this moment. For the past year, I had been driven by my own self-serving desire to have a child. I had attempted to force my will on God without success. My life revolved around appointments, tests, medications and disappointments. On one cold day in January none of that mattered anymore. Either the window was going to open or I was going to be thrown through it. As I pictured myself standing next to a shattered windowpane, a nurse entered the room and interrupted my thoughts. The room grew busy with final preparations as a twenty-minute procedure stood between me and the rest of my life.
For the next fourteen days, I climbed mountains of joy and fell in holes of desperation while I listened for God’s answer. If inner strength and patience is born from weakness and despair, I was there. As I stood at the crossroads between faith and disbelief, my heart ached for a single telephone call.
When the phone finally rang, my heart stopped as the nurse exclaimed, “You’re pregnant!” With those precious words, God launched me into the next great adventure, motherhood. When I look back at the experience, it is apparent that things only happen in God’s time. In my arrogance, I thought I could change His divine plan. I realized life’s meaning had nothing to do with me, but everything to do with Him. In God’s infinite wisdom, it wasn’t long until He revealed another secret: twins. Yes, crazy, wonderful things happen to me-times two!
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