Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Purposefulness (Purpose in Life) (05/25/06)
TITLE: True Love
By Doreen Hammond
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Sitting along the path of life I looked out along the sandy beach and wondered what this life really had to offer. I mean, really. From the time I was a little girl, my life had been filled with grief and loss. Of course, the way I had to deal with the issues of losing my pureness were probably not the healthiest, but when it starts at age four, you kind of do the best you know how. Maybe that was why I was so clingy to my father, my hero, my protector. I didn’t understand that they were being bad, because it didn’t hurt and they weren’t being mean to me.
I couldn’t believe it when Mom told me Dad was murdered. When I was just going to be ten years old, she gave me the news. I’ll never, ever forget it. My sun and moon had collided and the earth shattered. What would happen to me now? Who would protect me now? Who would hold me and love me now? Who would love me anyway like my dad? He loved me when I was fat or bad or if my hair was tangled. When my ball was taken from me at school, he helped teach me how to stand up for myself. Now what was I going to do?
At ten, my thoughts were pure emotional and back in the 70’s nobody really dealt with them. Mostly they were hushed. It wasn’t because nobody else loved me, but they too were grieving and trying to carry on. I isolated myself in my closet or bedroom most of the time looking at the family album, crying rivers of tears.
Finally, Mom took the pictures away, hoping I’d go outside and play…get on with my life. I turned to food and then to drugs and alcohol and boys. Along with millions of others, I too, looked for love in the wrong places. My reason for living was gone. Searching for the quick fix, I found myself in life and death situations over and again. Surrounded by people that cared less if I lived or died, I fell further and further away from my own desire to live. At one point, I had completely disappeared. Nobody knew where I was and that scared me.
I called home. Thankfully, my cousin came and rescued me and brought be back, cleaned me up and fed me. I needed rest and nourishment. After a few days, I began to feel restless again. Even though I was grateful for the salvage I still didn’t feel secure. A few more years had to pass before I found out why.
Not walking in the call of preaching the Good News of Jesus Christ can lead to a pretty unsettling life. I now, with purposefulness and careful consideration write with a vengeance sometimes, for that very purpose. To give hope to the hurting and help heal the broken hearted.
It is from my personal experience of a life without Jesus that I can speak freely, knowing that it is empty and pointless. But truly, when the Son comes in, it is bright and shiny.
I didn’t think anyone could love me like my father did. And I have rejected a lot of people who have tried to show love to me, but it never measured up to his. Feelings were hard to gauge on the inside. I only knew his love to be true. Everyone else it seemed wanted something from me and it was easier to give it to them than to deal with the confrontation. But, when I got to meet Jesus, and His Father, along with the Holy Spirit and they shared their love; what a joy! New revelation was revealed to me!
I didn’t know that kind of love existed. Accepting His love has allowed me to receive my husbands love and the love of my family and friends. The best part is that they all love me for who I am, not what I do for them or what they can get from me. Sometimes, I still have a relapse and feel unlovable, but that is probably just human nature and has nothing to do with me.
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