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Just Be You That’s All You Can Do!!
Have you ever been talking to a friend and happen to mention in passing another friends name and like clock work they say (without missing a beat) “I wish that person would die, I cannot stand them!” Do to the fact that they had a falling out or someone did something to the other. Or have you ever looked in the mirror and said “I wish I was never born, because no one would miss me if I was gone!” I have been the latter and it really was not because I wouldn’t be missed it was because I was liked by one of two sets of people: 1.) The Jocks, or 2.) The cute popular guys.
The first group liked me because I was smart and could do there homework for them and they would be able to stay on the team. They never really wanted to be seen with a brainiac so our relationship was kept on the down low. Where as the cute, popular guys wanted a cute girl on there arm to make them look good so that everyone else would envy them for having the prettiest girlfriend. There was no substance to that relationship either because I was for show not a mouth piece, meaning I had to play dumb. I was never able to get the two paths to cross in the arena of jr high and high school politics and it bothered me because I was both pretty and intelligent. So I started thinking about how could I get someone to notice me for me, the whole me brains, looks and all. I thought “why not try to get my face bashed in so it was not so perfect?” or “why not take a straight razor to my face and disfigure it?” Neither of which I did, (1.) I hate pain, (2.) Why would I make myself suffer for their stupidity?” And most importantly some one brought it to my attention because I did play on my looks to get what I wanted, what if my looks where taken from me without my help. Then it hit me I am a person whether smart or beautiful and I have a lot to offer someone who will one day want the real me.
Through that reality check from a dear friend of mine I came to realize my worth was not in the jocks perception of me or the cute guys perceptions it was based on my perception of me and who I was in God. See I got caught up in the whole I want to fit in with whatever group will give me the most status and help later as the years go by, I never stopped to think about being my own person. Now hear me I was not a vain person early on in my life and I could have cared less what others thought about me, it wasn’t until I was sexually assaulted by my cousin that my life took a downward spin. I was called a liar by family members and never really understood how some one who would protect me from the outside world could destroy my inside world. After that I never really looked at myself the same. I felt because I was pretty I deserved what I got because that’s what happens when you look the way you do.
Through all of that I allowed Satan to tell me I was worthless and used up, I withdrew and was not as boisterous and strong as I once was. I allowed my voice to be silenced. I came to realize in my 30’s that I had to use my voice, use my experiences to show others the light at the end of the tunnel. It was not until I started sharing and letting God heal those broken parts of my past that I found my reason to live. See when Satan can get us to feel bad about our past he can keep us from being effective tools for God and the only way to take back that power is to speak up and let your testimony be heard. We have to stop living sheltered lives and start living a victorious life. When God is our anchor we have nothing to worry about, speak up the one listening when the dust clears is the one who needed it the most, the one who is looking for their purpose.
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