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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Joy (05/18/06)

TITLE: An early moment of Joy
By Martin Strom
05/23/06


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As the mist of sleep dissolved into awareness, his senses felt the presence of someone near. Turning he looked into the dazzling eyes of the most amazing creature he had ever seen. She laughed at his expression then danced away through the trees and was gone.

Adam blinked a few times then jumped up and gave chase. He burst through the foliage following the faint giggles she left behind. He found her standing by the edge of a large pool, a waterfall tumbling in the background. She turned to face him and smiled a beautiful smile full of playful joy, and then she dove in. Adam stood there with an open mouthed grin. She was so beautiful and strange and wonderful. “What is she Father?”

“She is bone of your bone and flesh of your flesh” came the reply on the wind.

He watched her long sleek body swimming beneath the crystal clear water. As she resurfaced she looked back at him. Then she slowly paddled back towards him keeping her eyes just above the water, staring at him. Adams heart beat faster as she came up out of the water and stood there before him. Neither spoke, they just looked at one another. Then she took his hand and led him to the grassy clearing overlooking the waterfall. There they sat and Adam felt so aware of her body next to his.

“Do you like me?” she asked, her voice quiet and soft and lilting.
Adams eyes widened in surprise at the question “Yes I do. You are very beautiful.”
She smiled as she plucked a flower from the grass and gave him a sideways look.

“Do you like me?” he asked with a little quaver to his voice.
“Yes of course” she smiled at him then shyly lowered her eyes from his gaze.

They watched as animals came to drink at the pool. She was curious about all things. “Tomorrow I will show you my garden” said Adam excited at the thought of sharing it with her.

They picked and ate some fruit that hung low enough for them to reach without standing, and they sat there and talked for hours. They grew more comfortable with each other and the girl leaned up against Adam and laid her head on his shoulder and he put his arm around her and touched her soft silk hair. They watched as the sun began to set behind the hills in beautiful pink and purple hues. The waterfall sparkled in the last rays of golden sunlight as the blue shadows of the hills leaned in towards them. And still they sat as the darkness deepened and the stars began to appear. Neither of them wished to move and break this perfect moment. Eventually they curled up together and slept under a blanket of stars.

They awoke to a glorious sunrise and the sound of a million birds singing praise to the Creator of the new day. And they joined with the birds, raising their hands and loudly singing their praise to God. Then filled with joy they ran hand and hand through the garden singing and laughing until they were nearly out of breath. Then they walked in the freshness of the morning air listening to the sounds of the garden awakening. Misty beams of sunlight filtered through the tree tops to dapple the ground around them.

Adam turned to this beautiful girl with him, and taking her hands in his he looked deeply into her eyes and full of emotion that just had to be expressed he said “I love you.” And she smiled and said “I love you too”.


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This article has been read 509 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Lynda Schultz 05/25/06
Pre-fall — before Joy fled and fickle happiness came to reign. Wonderful description and a creative take on the theme. Good job.
Carol Shaffron05/25/06
Imaginative and creative take on our first parents. Lovely!
Shari Armstrong 05/26/06
A beautiful portrait in words -wonderful descriptions. I noticed a few small places where a coma or two would help, but overall a lovely piece.
Shari Armstrong 05/26/06
Ooops - make that comma LOL. Adam was in the coma ;)
Rita Garcia05/27/06
Creative and nicely written!
Teri Wilson05/28/06
This is very good! I loved the "Do you like me?" part. Good job.
dub W05/28/06
Lovely take and very creative thought process. A quick note, get rid of the "as" to open the essay and it will become more active. A couple of other nit-picks, but this is pretty nice stuff.
Jan Ackerson 05/28/06
I really like this--it's not often that we have an Eden story that happens before Eve ate the fruit. Wonderfully imiginative.
Joanne Malley05/28/06
I enjoyed this look into the earth's first love. You are a wonderful scene creator and use your words meticulously. What a pleasant read! :)
Joanne Malley05/28/06
I also meant to say, you may be a beginner in the technicalities for the purpose of the Challenge, but you are a strong storyteller and have much talent. Blessings.
T. F. Chezum05/28/06
Very good. Creative approach to the topic. Well written.
Edy T Johnson 05/29/06
This writing is wonderfully stunning in its beauty. You have certainly captured a time of joyous discovery in the early days of creation.
You are a polished writer destined for higher levels for sure.
Dr. Sharon Schuetz05/29/06
I've never heard such a beautiful story of humanities first parents. You painted this picture so clearly. Every stroke was great.
Anita Neuman05/29/06
I got so caught up in the story, I forgot this was a Beginner's entry! Great job with this! There are a few little technical details to fix up (ie. you started 2 sentences with "Then..." in the second-last paragraph), but it won't take you long to get on top of those things and start leaping through the levels. This is some WONDERFUL story-telling.
Ann FitzHenry05/30/06
Excellent story! I look forward to reading more of your writing soon!