The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/27/06
I love your descriptions:
The night before we left felt the same as Christmas Eve does to a child who still believes in Santa Claus . . . dawn consumed the night sky proving to us that camp day had indeed arrived.

The only thing I might could add to help would be that it seemed at times you had too many main points. I thought at first something significant would happen at the camp, then with the new friend or maybe the grandparents. I had no trouble seeing after I got to the end though. I enjoyed the sentiment this brought back to me. Christmas eve, going off to camp, best friends and Grandparents . . .good job!
I agree with the comment above. You give some great description that impacts the reader. But you left a few points hanging. I would've liked to have read more about what happened at camp and when you returned. Are you still friends with the same girl? How long were in your new home? etc.