The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/26/06
I see a lot of potential here. You have a nice way of storytelling and getting your point across. Suggest you proofread - let it sit a day and then read it again - have a friend read it - watch use of you're and your. You are on the right track. Good job overall.
05/30/06
Very nice concept for your story. A story like this can relate to many people who have felt depressed and have had their own "angel of joy".

There are a few errors here and there (I don't think the colon towards the end is necessary), and why does it take her days to figure out what has happened?

What if you tried writing this in first person? The reader might be brought into the story and character even more.

A solid job. Keep it up.