The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 734 times
Member Comments
Interesting content, but the time span is almost too long for 750 words. Maybe single out the time when Jake left the family? Just a thought for making this a great short story.
A troubling story that ends in joy. I do have to agree with the last comment, but the pain and anxiety you felt came through.
The story seems too flowery for the "story" in it. Several places needed punctuation.
Your plot is great - but it's a lot for such a short story. This could be developped into a longer work. Or, to fit it more concisely into a short story format, pick a section of it and just expound on that.

Keep writing and honing your skill - you're headed in the right direction!
I do think you need the background of her dedicated caring for the baby (you could leave off the first short paragraph, as the information is brought in later, anyway). Without that foundation you would lose the tension leading up to the judge's shocking decision. You have a compelling story that grips the reader's attention. Rewriting with no word count restrictions (so the ending is less condensed) will result in a fine short story. God bless you!