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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Joy (05/18/06)

TITLE: The source (i)
By Patricia Charlton
05/19/06


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The Source


With a touch of a hand and a warm embrace
A word of comfort and kiss on my face,
With a longing look and a wink of my eye
I have found a source that gets me by.

With a meeting of friends and a secret shared
A word of encouragement and without a care,
With her longing look and her warm goodbye
I have found a source that gets me by.

With a place by the fire and a fury friend
A song in my heart and purring from a friend,
With a longing touch and a wink from her eye
I have found a source that gets me by.

With a warm bed and good nights sleep
A partner to share and a friend to keep,
With his tender touch and a wink from his eye
I have found a source that gets me by.

With a song to sing and a good book to read
A message from my father that I must heed,
With his warm embrace and never ending goodbye
I have found the source that will always get me by.


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This article has been read 737 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Rita Garcia05/27/06
He is our source!
I like the line about the furry friend. Good job!
Joanne Malley05/28/06
I love it! It reads so smoothly. Good job.
Jan Ackerson 05/28/06
Oh, I really love this! It's just so peaceful and lovely.

One small change: "furry" instead of "fury."

This poem makes me want to BE the author, to experience such serenity.
Teri Wilson05/28/06
Patricia, This is very nice. I only have one bit of advice: the stanza about the pets in front of the fire - two lines in a row end in "friend". Is that OK? I know next to nothing about poetry?!
Brandi Roberts05/28/06
Beeeautiful! I love the rhyme and the rhythm! GO CANADIANS! :D
T. F. Chezum05/28/06
This is very nice. Good job.
Anita Neuman05/28/06
Hey, Patricia! I'm so glad you decided to enter again. This is great! I love the pattern of other sources that "get us by". There's nothing technically wrong here, but I think the poem could be even stronger with a bit more variety in the phrases (ie. there are a lot of "longing looks" and "winking eyes"). Keep at it, Dearie! This is a great concept, and you wrapped up the topic quite nicely.
Debbie OConnor05/28/06
A nice flow, sweet images. To improve, try not to repeat words like "friend."
Kathleen Morris05/28/06
Wonderful first attempt at poetry. I really enjoyed this. Great CANADIAN effort!
Lynda Schultz 05/29/06
Good job, Patricia. I'm glad you came back too! Go Canucks (and not the hockey team, either!)
dub W05/29/06
The problem with couplets is that they tend to be "sing songy". Nice little poem, I think there is a lot of potential here and look forward to reading more of your work.
Dr. Sharon Schuetz05/29/06
You had a great message with a good flow. Everyone else pointed out the other stuff. I really liked it. Thanks.
Debbie Sickler05/29/06
You created some nice images and show good potential. :)