The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
05/18/06
A unique talk on the theme. Well-written. A little white space between conversations and "conversants" would help the reading. But a good job nonetheless.
05/19/06
I really enjoyed the entertaining conversations, back and forth! The only boo-boo I spotted: "Even has the date I got saved wrote in it.” Should be "written." I do wonder why the "angel" told Ryan to ask if he could go golfing on Sunday. But, you have talent, that's for sure. God bless your writing!
05/22/06
You have an awful lot of repetitions of the word "asked." Consider eliminating this and similar words altogether, and substituting short action phrases instead. Interesting and unique plot--thanks for this story!
05/23/06
This is a good story with a powerful lesson. With some editing, and proofing, this would be even better (some punctuation problems). Break up the spacing between paragraphs and have a new paragraph for each new speaker. (click preview before submitting, just one of those weird things that happen when you copy/paste). A little bit of a quick turn around at the end (I've done that too lol) but, a nice ending :)
08/21/06
The other commenters have already pointed out the things that need to be fixed...I won't add to it; and, look at you now? Advanced! Going strong! WOW.