The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 978 times
Member Comments
A unique talk on the theme. Well-written. A little white space between conversations and "conversants" would help the reading. But a good job nonetheless.
I really enjoyed the entertaining conversations, back and forth! The only boo-boo I spotted: "Even has the date I got saved wrote in it.” Should be "written." I do wonder why the "angel" told Ryan to ask if he could go golfing on Sunday. But, you have talent, that's for sure. God bless your writing!
You have an awful lot of repetitions of the word "asked." Consider eliminating this and similar words altogether, and substituting short action phrases instead. Interesting and unique plot--thanks for this story!
This is a good story with a powerful lesson. With some editing, and proofing, this would be even better (some punctuation problems). Break up the spacing between paragraphs and have a new paragraph for each new speaker. (click preview before submitting, just one of those weird things that happen when you copy/paste). A little bit of a quick turn around at the end (I've done that too lol) but, a nice ending :)
The other commenters have already pointed out the things that need to be fixed...I won't add to it; and, look at you now? Advanced! Going strong! WOW.