The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/19/06
It seems to me your story needs help with editing (which is hard for a writer to do :)-- getting rid of excess words would allow your message to come through with more clarity. For example, your first paragraph could be tightened up to read:
Nadine knelt at the chapel altar rail, praying silently. "Have the past thirty years been a total waste, Lord?"
I like to recommend my favorite: John Hershey's book, Hiroshima, as a model of concise, gripping writing. God bless your work!
05/22/06
I wonder if it would be more effective to tell part of the story in flashback, so that we can have some dialog between Nadine and her righteous boyfriend. That would break up the long narrative passages. Very good writing skills, with a bit of tightening up, you'll be excellent.
05/23/06
This is a smooth, easy read with some beautiful phrasing. A bit of dialogue or action would help to keep the reader riveted. Keep working at it! You are definitely headed in the right direction.