The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/19/06
I would take issue with your statement: "Over centuries of evolution...." but that's a topic for another day.

You have a creative passion, but it reminds me a bit of an unbridled horse, rather wild and unstructured. My recommendation is to tell a story and let one of your characters bring the "preachy" message. That way, your readers are more apt to stick with you and won't feel under verbal attack. Keep at it, and God bless your work!
05/22/06
There are any number of good, truthful, and sound statements here--perhaps too many? It seemed to lack focus; consider taking one point only, and developing it through specific anecdotes. You're a passionate writer; when you focus that passion, your writing will soar.
You are a talented communicator. I agree if you used characters or perhaps illustrations it would make this a stronger piece. With a little tightening up, you could say everything you had to say in half the words, and accomplish a whole lot.