The Official Writing Challenge
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05/18/06
This is cute. I could see this, with simplied text, in a children's picture-type book. Nicely done.
05/18/06
Oops -- simplified text. :)
Loved it!
Very nicely done. It does have a fairy tale feel to it. A very entertaining and important story. Great work.
Nicely done. I can see this as a children's book with beautiful colorful pictures. Beautiful message of prosperity that can't be bought, or earned, but lived in a way that brings joy to the Father.
05/21/06
Very good! I'm wondering if the story is your own or if you've retold a folk story. It has such a 'right' feel to it that I wonder if I've heard it before. Either way, good job - if the plot is your own, doubly good job! I'd be inclined to omit the last two paragraphs. The message has come through loud and clear
05/21/06
THIS IS A GREAT CHILDREN BOOK. MAYBE ADD A BOOK ENDING TO COMPLETE IT. END NOW APPEARS TO BE A DEVOTIONAL FORMAT. YOU COULD REALLY PULL CHILDREN IN BUT THE WOULD NEED A FEW MORE DIRECTIONS THAN JUST THE PRAYER.

YOU DID A GREAT JOB. THANKS
05/24/06
Get an illustrator (and an editor), and publish this story. With a couple of organizational changes this will make a delightful children's book or devotional.
05/24/06
I like this a lot, with its fable-like feel. I'd have left off the last two paragraphs...you did a great job of making your point, and we "got it." The rest is almost too much. I could certainly visualize this as a wonderful children's book, as the others have said.