The Official Writing Challenge
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This piece has so much promise. You know & tell the story well. I like the idea of the poem but the inconsistent rhythm makes it hard to read. Although the rhyming is good but (to me) not as important as the flow itself. Great Bible knowledge here can't wait to see more of your work.
05/21/06
I like this, but I don't think it's likely to do well in the challenge, if indeed that is your aim. The reason is as above - the verses are inconsistent in length, meter, ande rhyming structure. Free verse (no rhyme or meter) is fine, but yours has too much rhyme for that! However, I applaud your Biblical storytelling, and would urge you to press on with this genre - it's hard to master (I certainly haven't) but worth the effort.
05/24/06
This reminds me of the Sunday School songs where Bible stories and lists are set to music so that children can memorize them. Work on the rhythm--count syllables in each line and strive for some sort of consistent pattern. Very clever!