The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/12/06
This is very clever and readable. Only a couple places where I wasn't sure who was doing the talking (too much white space--
!--separating quote from speaker), but with that minor editing, this would make a delightful children's picture storybook!
05/15/06
Totally missed it on the first read-through, totally got it on the second! Maybe you should make it teeny bit more obvious for morons like me! But it was very funny, and I liked it a lot. Not sure a grain can 'get to his feet' though - I think you cheated there! Good stuff