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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Hope (05/04/06)

TITLE: Hope of Her Heart
By Wendy Depp


Jenny paced the living room floor. The children playing around her seemed distant now. The phone call she had just received, from her husband Walt, was very disturbing. “Where could Rob be?”, she wondered. Jenny was becoming worried even more as she and her son, Rob, had an argument that misty and foggy morning about his skipping work yet again. Jenny had concern about her son’s carefree attitude and belligerence concerning his job. With great reluctance, Rob gave in and went on to work. Where could he be now? Why hadn’t he made it to work?

As the morning moved along, Walt’s and Jenny’s concern grew as to the whereabouts of their son. Finally, after many calls, the phone rang yet again. “Is this Mrs. Jenny Dunn?”, the female voice on the other end had asked. “Yes, speaking.”, was Jenny’s reply. The voice again asked, “Do you have a son, Robert James Dunn?” Jenny’s heart nearly leapt into her throat. “Yes.”, she replied. “I’m a nurse in the emergency room at Christopher Hospital. Your son Robert is here and he’s been in a very serious car accident.”, the nurse said. Of course, Jenny’s mind went racing with worry. Jenny asked with hopefulness, “Is he okay?” The nurse replied that they couldn’t give Jenny any info on the phone but all that she would say was that he is alive and he is conscious now. As Jenny hung up the phone, panic and tears had set in but her hope and expectations were high. Rob just had to be okay. She couldn’t think of what to do next.
Walt . . . she needed to call Walt.

As Walt made the 30 minute trek from work, Jenny had called her parents and her oldest son, Jonathan to inform them of the situation with Rob. Jonathan, too, had made his way home. Walt finally had gotten home and reassured Jenny not to worry until we know the whole situation. Walt and Jonathan had made their way to the hospital. Jenny needed to remain at home for the time being but with great hope in her heart, prayed to her Father in Heaven for Rob to be okay. Everyone had been telling her if he’s alive, everything is fixable. She went with that assurance.

Finally, Walt called home after getting to the hospital and speaking to the doctor. Rob would need to stay at the hospital overnight because he had been unconscious for two hours. The paramedic had told us that he didn’t think he’d find anyone alive in the car. Rob had fallen asleep at the wheel, crossed the center line of a busy highway and wrapped the car around a telephone pole. He was found not wearing his seatbelt and wrapped in his bedspread, Rob had hit the stearing wheel and his head had hit the windshield. The car was completely destroyed by the accident. The fire department had to cut him out of the car. Jenny’s worry had turned to hope and her hope became joy at the news that her son would be home the next day with a badly bruised chest and a stitched lip, but Rob was fine and alive and a Mothers hope became tears of joy and thanksgiving.

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A story that reminds us every day rhat our loved ones remain okay and safe is a gift from God, not something He owes us, but something to be cherished and appreciated. Good job.
Helen Paynter05/15/06
Good story. Can I suggest you work a little on showing, not telling?
For example: '“I’m a nurse in the emergency room at Christopher Hospital. Your son Robert is here and he’s been in a very serious car accident.”, the nurse said. Of course, Jenny’s mind went racing with worry. Jenny asked with hopefulness, “Is he okay?” '
This tells us how she felt, but we don't feel it with her. How about 'The world went silent. Jenny saw the downy head of her newborn suckling at her breast; the triumhant five year old grinning with pride at his first bicycle...' I haven't done it very well, but we are starting to get inside her mind, to feel with her... Real potential in this piece.