The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/14/06
Nice piece. Watch your tenses in the 2nd paragraph (I'd begin with that paragraaph, by the way - no need for the introduction), and keep an eye open for the odd punctution lapse. But a well-written, tight story.
05/15/06
This is very good writing. I could see what the narrator is seeing, and appreciate the strain in the conversation. And, I really relish the ending! God bless you!