The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
05/11/06
Well done - you had me from beginning to end.
05/13/06
At times I found it a litle hard to follow (mainly the first third, where I was trying to work out the scenario). But there was some great writing in there, and I love the 'law' motif. THis is my favourite line:“Hope that there is more to life than law because by law I die but in God I have immortality.”, and also the last line. Great writing - you won't be in beginners for long.
05/14/06
I agree with Helen, spacing between line segments would make the piece easier to read. You may want to also keep an eye on over used wording as well. I have a problem with that myself. Over all it was a fine story, and good plot. just a little extra in the presentation to polish it up..
This is very good writing and the plot is great. It i one of th best I've read.
05/18/06
“The hope you’re searching for. It will never be found in your laws, no matter how many you make or how diligently you follow them.” Very good. The world will never understand how her concern for his eternal life weighed heavier on her than her own mortality. Beautiful piece.
05/18/06
Congratulations! The winner's circle on your first entry is most impressive! I'm so happy for you!