The Official Writing Challenge
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05/11/06
Do you mean Grandson? "so I have to get ready to receive my son" I rather like the way you tell this. Good job.
05/11/06
A beautiful story!! A story of hope, compassion, and love!! God bless the power of prayer!!
05/13/06
A nice story about healing in more senses than one. I wonder if it is true? Susan did mean son, didn't she? - becasue she was going to adopt him. Thank you for sharing
This is a good story. And yes, she did mean son. She was looking forward to adopt him.
05/18/06
Wow, you can certainly tell a story, had this hard hearted, reader tearing up. Your writing has an energy and an immediacy that is exciting and compelling. I especially loved: ‘With bowed heads and tissues.’ it says so much! Now hunker down, shhhh, here are some ways to make it really shine!
‘Hurriedly, Susan rushed into the group.’ You don’t need both hurriedly and rushed. I’d delete hurriedly.
‘Tanya had been in a terrible car accident several months ago. She was five months pregnant at the time’ Contract to ‘Several months ago, and five months into her pregnancy Tanya was…’ Keep your sentences short. This will add to the tension of the piece, driving it forward. Write from one persons point of view, you have Sandra, the group, the driver. ‘The drunk that hit her was behind bars and awaiting trial sitting on bated breathe for the baby to be born.’ OK, think about the logic of this sentence. (sitting on bated breath) Break it down. The drunk driver was behind bars awaiting trial; murder if the baby died. Keep writing, this is good stuff!