The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
05/08/06
Well, you had me through the first half of your story. I just hoped there was some big mistake, this "girl from the office" would turn out to be an elderly lady in a wheelchair that he was helping, or something other than his being a big two-timer! The ending seemed a little squished, unlike the flow earlier in the story. Good job, otherwise, even though the guy turned out to be a jerk.
05/09/06
This is well done, but I agree that the last paragraph seemed squished. I wanted to read more, but it ended! How about a catchier title such as "a wounded heart?" Overall, I do like this a lot.