Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Love (04/27/06)
TITLE: The Little Blue Box
By Vicki Chappelear
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So much of me wanting to say yes! But as much that wanted to say yes, there was that much, if not more, that wanted to say no. Itís not that I do not love him, because I do. Whatís not to love? He is a Godly man, full of integrity, generous and always respectful. Heís the type of man you always dream of. He has been a wonderful role model for my children, not once trying to take the place of their father. There are just so many questions.
Itís the questions that are getting to me. Questions like, am I really ready to risk love again? Having lost my husband in a tragic car accident, I know how it feels to have a huge part of you ripped out suddenly and be left empty inside. Maybe, just maybe, it would be easier to not go down that road again, and then I would never have to face that type of horror again. And yet, am I condemning myself to a life of loneliness? Do I really want to be alone, especially when such a wonderful man like this, wants to be with me? Letís be realistic, my two children will soon be out on their own, and while I know they will always love me and be there when I need them, is it fair to expect them to be at my beacon call when I feel alone? It has been 3 years since the accident, Iíve become a little accustom to doing things my own way, in my own time, am I really ready to give up my control. I understand the concept of the man being the head of the house and I have no problem with that, itís the comfort zone thing. Perhaps, I need to get out of my comfort zone. I have in so many ways protected myself from any and all pain, that I have pushed away so many people that just wanted to love me. Am I missing out on joy in my life by not allowing anything, good or bad, to get close to me? I am over thinking again, I always do, why for once canít I just go with my heart, take a leap of faith and trust God with it. Ok, thatís what Iím going to do, listen to my heart!
He sat there across the table from me, smiling, anxious for my answer. He had just told me how much he loved me and that he wanted to wake up beside me everyday for the rest of his life. His brown eyes had so much love and kindness behind them, why am I having a hard time with this, this is an easy decision. He loves me and I love him, he will be patient with me while I working though all of my insecurities. He knows what Iíve been through, heís never once questioned my feelings or denied that I had them. I am now ready to give him an answer...
With tears in my eyes, and my hands shaking because of the risk I knew I was taking, I said ďyesĒ!
It was at that moment that all of my insincerities melted away. I knew this is what God wanted for me, He had brought this wonderful man into my life, for many reasons, the least of which was to show me love again.
Well, itís been twelve years since that day, we have been through some tough times, like everyone, but I look at him differently because I know now that it is better to love for even a short time, than to not love at all. Itís been so wonderful to allow people back into my life, the joy of friendships has truly blessed me. And now we are the grandparents of three beautiful children, children that I donít think I could have enjoyed by keeping my distance.
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