Mack sat on her hospital bed cradling her pink bundle of joy in her arms. Her visitors departed for the time being and she was able to enjoy some much needed quite time with her day old daughter she’d named Narissa. As she watched her daughter sleeping peacefully she was reminded of the letter her mom had given her the day she told her she’d be a grandmother.
Not wanting to disturb Narissa but desperately wanting to reread the words written on the faded yellowing paper, Mack slowly reached for her purse in the bed side table. She carefully unfolded the letter trying not to make any noise. That was the least of her worries for she knew she would surely weep as she read the words written in red.
I prayed many nights into the wee hours of the morning about the decision I had to make. I laid you at our Lord’s feet and asked Him that His will be done. Once I decided to have Mr. and Mrs. Johnstone adopt you I asked Him to watch over you.
I made this heartbreaking decision out of love. In the beginning it wasn’t because of the love I had for you but because I didn’t love myself. I know this must sound confusing but please bear with me. You see I knew what you needed the most in this beautiful world was love but how could I give you what you needed if I didn’t know how to give it to myself?
I was taught to truly love something you must give freely of yourself without and not expecting anything in return.
The moment I placed you in your moms’ arms I realized I was able to love you in that way. I wanted only the best for you, gaining nothing in return. Should I have kept you for my own it would’ve been most selfish of me.
I pray one day you’ll be able to understand what I’ve written. Please know I will continue to pray for you for the rest of my days.
May the Lord bless you and watch over you,
Mack brought the letter to her heart realizing she had read other words written in red. They too were written out of a love so pure even she couldn’t deny them. So then, how could she deny the heart felt words her birth mother wrote to her?
She had told Tracy when she met her she had understood what she had written so many years ago but she could no longer deny she hadn’t. Mackayla closed her eyes, asked her Father for forgiveness and thanked Him for opening her eyes to the meaning and truth written so many years earlier.
Mackayla now understood the reasoning behind her adoption. Tears rolled down her now enflamed cheeks as she opened her eyes and looked upon her own daughter. Her very being shook with the newly understood knowledge. It took her becoming a mother to know where Tracy was coming from. As a mother she knew she would do whatever it took for Narissa’s best interests even if it meant her own broken heart.
She mentally tried to compared the letters but found it impossible. How could one compare her Saviors’ sacrifice to her birth mothers’ sacrifice? She couldn’t. What she did realize though is how Tracy acted in Christ like maturity far beyond her years.
“Oh Father.” She cried out, “How could I have thought she was being selfish? She sacrificed her feelings, grieving a living death, praying to You daily for my well being. These are not the actions of a selfish person. These are the actions of one whom truly believes. One who can truly give of herself and love purely from the heart. Father please help me to love my own daughter in the same way. The way You showed us how to love that fateful day on the cross. I now lay my own daughter at Your feet and pray You will watch over her the rest of her days. In Your Sons’ name, Amen.”
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