The Official Writing Challenge
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Very good, desriptive piece. I like how you play on more than one sense (visual, smell). Maybe throwing in some touch (cool breeze, warmth of sun)

The piece took a left turn into grief that I wasn't expecting, though you hinted at it earlier. What can I say, I'm tired.

Well done.
You critiqued my submission earlier and requested I return the favor. You wrote a very good beginning, full of description. Given the feeling of grief you bring in at the end, the mood in the fourth paragraph seems to be out of place. That is the transition between the boating and the writing, but I'm not sure if it works well as a transition. Maybe it only needs shortened. Or, maybe I am too picky. You ended with a wonderful reminder that our Father in heaven is the One we need to lean on. Beautiful message of hope! God bless!
05/01/06
I enjoyed this, and found the first few paragraphs particularly evocative. I have one or two comments to make about tightening up your writing style - PM me if you want details. Good piece.