The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
04/27/06
This is very good, it touched me. Deserves a win in my opinion. In Christ's Love, Julia
04/30/06
I loved the last line most. I thought this was well written but wondered if dilalogue would help to mix it up some. Watch the exclamation points too.:) I agree that this is really good.
Great description. The story moved me. I think Terri is right about mixing in some dialouge and the end seemed a little too abrupt. Still, overall, this is a very strong piece with a great message.
05/01/06
Very good! I'd have liked to see it end with her "deep, restful sleep..." You don't need to tie up every loose end for the readers, and this is an otherwise masterful story.
Wow. Great, great story. The first two-thirds of this piece were the best I've read so far.

The ending, as mentioned above, seemed a little off to me. Maybe leaving a hint of mystery mixed with hope for the reader.
Leave us dangling just a bit, wanting more.
05/02/06
Some very powerful writing here, although I agree with the comments above about the ending. Good chance of placing with this one, I'd guess.
Wow, how tormenting. Such a beautiful, gripping account of such a horrific experiance. A few suggestions. Condense your story. Don't try to include so much information into one story. It will lose some of the dramatic effect. Also any time your main character thinks to themself use italics. It makes for an easier read. I greatly enjoyed this message of this story and you have such talent. Just try to stick to one main event. Read "Losing Hope" in Masters. It's written by Maxx and he's a perfect example of what Im trying to say concerning condensing stories. But don't be discouraged, you have a TON of talent and I'm looking forward to reading your name in the winner's circle very shortly!